God Bless the Broken Road....

So the last few weeks have been a trying one for our family. Really nothing new for Rob and I having been through the Navy life now for 8 years (me) and 10 years (rob). Now that we have three kiddo's it is hard to explain even to each other what is really going on. 

For those who are not familiar with navy life, it is being able to to give someone else control of your life with out much say so. As I type this I am reminded that we as Christians should know this life well. If we are truly doing Gods working our own life's than we too have little control. But how thankful i am for a God who has grace and mercy for me. He knows the path he has for me...but am I willing to listen and follow. 

I was talking to a good friend this week and was venting my struggles to them as they were trying to encourage me. I am very stubborn and those who know me well know this. 

I have been struggling the last few weeks with the decision that Rob and I made seven months ago in us staying here and him going on to San Deigo.  In the beginning I was doing what I thought was Gods calling and hiding the fact that my true intentions of staying behind were because I am a people pleaser. Which one would think than I would always want to obey God but this is not always true. I am human people pleaser. I was scared to tell my work at the time that we were following Gods word and moving and I was scared to tell Doug he had a great idea for us to stay and let the church love us. I wanted also to stay for more personal reasons. i was not willing to move half away across the world (this is how it feels to me) just to make new friends and see what God had in store of us there. So instead of following Gods word and plan for us I told Rob that us staying here was really the best thing and he could focus more on the new ship and we would be better here than there where we (I) did not know anyone. 

I have been thinking over something the Helmers taught us in counseling (the "Y" diagram)  a lot these last few weeks and how you go about life going things your own way and how after time it "seems" easy, but really it is only making life so much harder. Then there is the other side of the "Y" and that is what God wants us to do and how at first yes it is hard but then after time following God is easier, not saying life is all roses but it is a LOT better than being our own boss.  

After talking to my friend and telling her how I really felt these last few weeks and how I was struggling, I went away from our conversation heavy hearted. At first I wanted to say it was her being nose and how dare she even trying and fathom what I am going through. But when I took a deep breath and  took me out of the situation, she was only doing and saying what God wanted her to revile to me. She called that day, because she was obeying God. God knew I needed a strong hearted friend to show me where I was lacking. I was not happy with God these last few weeks saying to Him "that surly if I was obeying you Lord and staying behind my life would be easy....", " ...how come God if you really are all knowing and have so much power would you in your right mind keep a family apart, to go through so much hurt...." So I really was not talking to God, but yelling at Him for the last few weeks and when I yell I refuse to listen, because I am right and who ever I am yelling at is way wrong. 

That phone call was a quite voice saying "....I know you are hurting,...... have faith my child .....be still, my child for I know the plans I have for you.....to no longer suffer or want..." 

Ouch...I was blown way. I am one who has normally been very grateful for my Lord. I would not been in this place if it was not for Him, I have had an amazing life. I owe my life to Christ for He carried me through the first 18 years of my life protecting me and at the age of 18 placed me firmly into a loving family. Then six year later placed me in the loving arms of my wonderful husband. Four months short of our two year anniversary God again carried me for eight months as Rob and I began our divorce, but God again placed me into the loving arms of my husband, why in my right mind would I be questioning a God who has moved so many mountains for me?!

I realize this is not a normal blog post, but I wanted to share my heart with my family and friends. So many of you call me "super mom" and I can only say "it is because of Christ, who right now, again is carrying me through this valley.  I seem to be "super" but I stand back and give God all the glory for this. As you have read, I am only human and it is because Christ loves me and has shown me so much mercy.  

Our journey is no where over, but now I know it is the journey God has planed for me. 

"Thank you Lord for showering me with your love and mercy over the last few weeks. It is you who gets all the glory for carrying me through this. Lord as others look at our family, I pray they only see you and your work being done in our journey."